All I Want For Christmas (an audiophile’s dream preamp)

All I want for Christmas is a stereo preamp with state-of-the-art room correction, the ability to stream network audio from my LAN (aiff, flac, wav, mp3, and all else under the sun), the ability to play internet radio and paid services (MOG, Rhapsody, Spotify, and Sirius, at least), the ability to accept all resolutions up through 24/192–at least–on all inputs (including ethernet!), at least 3 toslink inputs, at least 4 coaxial digital inputs, 5 line-level analog inputs, 3 USB inputs, 5 HDMI inputs (for decoding SACD, Blu-ray audio), 2 HDMI outputs (for 2 displays), an MC phono stage, built-in wifi, 2 channel pass-through for connecting with a surround sound processor, a digital processor loop capable of at least 24/192 resolution, sound quality at least as good as my McIntosh C2300 preamp when that piece is playing its MC phono and its line-level inputs, a backlit remote control, easy-to-use web based and TV screen control with full metadata, discreet IR codes for every function, an upgradeable design, full functionality from the front panel, comfortably spaced jacks, a tech support department that answers within 3 minutes and speaks English as a native language and knows the product thoroughly, a price under $9,000. I’ll settle for the same piece in a surround sound version, but I don’t want to pay more than another $1500 for it. Anyone know where I can get one of these?